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Ass Funny

Free Funny Best Man Speech

Everyone, may I grab your attentions for a little while please. Tonight, I have to propose a toast for the delightful newlywed’s marriage as I am the best man. But before anything else, for the single ladies (wink) out there, I am _____ (name), a good friend of our groom. For those who would like my number, well, you can’t have it because my wife would kill me. (pause for a life)

Anyway, I’d like to appreciate first and foremost the stunning beauty of our bride that glows with love, which is why _____ (groom), you are so lucky to have found her first. (pause for a laugh) Also the bridesmaids and the maid of honor course, you all look great I may say, and I want to thank you all for helping our dearest bride in preparing for this big event. Also my deepest recognition to our lovely parents Mr. & Mrs. _____ and Mr. & Mrs. _____ for their ever-supportive presence in this joyous occasion.

I want to show you guys and gals something. (slideshow groom’s pictures). Can anyone see it? I just wanted to show how _____ (groom) has amazingly transformed as we were growing up – from being a nerd-looking guy in high school to a handsome public accountant; from a thin-as-a-stick guy to a hunk; and finally, from a retard to a kick-ass friend.

That would be enough, ____ (groom) is going to kill me already once I step out in this platform. But of course I’ll give a little bit of an explanation to those pictures, so please _____ (groom) extend your patience with me.

Back in 11th grade, I used to think _____ (groom) is such a nerd. Had I known it was only his technique to avoid much temptation from girls so as to keep focused on studies, and become what he is today, I could have followed his steps. But I still appreciate it man, I get to have all the girls. (pause for a laugh). Then from a skinny guy to becoming a hunk, man, I can’t believe you had it in you! You had hidden it well. He sweated it out in the gym so he can impress our lovely bride _____ (bride), boy, you know you are so lucky to have her, (loud whisper) I don’t think you’ll be as lucky to have him _____ (bride). (pause for a laugh) But seriously, you both look good to be together, I know and I hope that your union will last a lifetime wonderfully. And of course, being such a good friend, well, isn’t it obvious yet? He surely knows how to be a friend because his attitude echoed back to him for having such a very great friend – of course, me, who else. =)

_____ (bride) I have all confidence in you that you will take good care of my good friend ____ (groom), as well as he is to you, I now give you the crown and the scepter to be officially Mrs. ____. Congratulations to you both.

May I kindly ask everyone to raise their glasses for a mighty toast to a happy lovely couple _____ and ____ always and forever. Cheers!

About the Author

Growing up, I was always known as the affluent speaker in my circle of friends. Everyone knows me as someone who can speak to anyone and make a fun and interesting conversation out of nowhere. That is probably why I am always being asked to give speeches with best man jokes at weddings, graduations, and celebrations of other kinds. My specialty is weddings.

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